Did I fizzle out?

 

 

Today I came across some binders that had been stored for a few years. They reminded me that I once was energetic. In a mental sense. 

They contain notes and goals for several Youtube projects I did. I was pretty well organized. I even had a bullet journal that I kept up. I had design plans and narration scripts. Then I didn’t do any more. Why?  Was I burned out from the effort?  Did I run out of ideas? Did I just lose interest? I did think of more projects and even started a couple of them but never followed up after making a few steps.

I hope that I’ll get inspired by looking at my past work. I hope that I’ll be able to pick up where I left off on the couple projects that I barely started. I need to get the juices flowing again.  I’ve been mentally sedentary for too long.

A De-cluttering Milestone

 

Some milestones are smaller than others.

I had gone through the pantry and removed the things I am unlikely to use – much of it was for Neal only. It’s all been sitting on the dining table for weeks now because I cannot carry heavy things down the stairs and no local food pantry has anyone who can pick it up. I was stuck for a solution.

There was also a collection of stuff that I wanted to get rid of. Today a junk removal guy came to get the stuff.

The great news is that he also took the food items and will see that they get to a food bank.

I regained some floor space and table-top real estate. HOOORAY!!!

 

 

Grief

 

My husband, Neal, passed last month. It felt as if part of me just evaporated. I have learned just what grief really is. It is not weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

It is the loss of those common everyday things that I took for granted. I miss his presence of course but it's the loss of the little things that brings on grief: the daily interactions:

·      Did you see the rabbit in the yard?

·      What do you think about the ……

·      I just read an interesting article.

·      Do you want to …..

·      Should we spend the money for ….

·      I’d like your opinion on ….

·      Can you give me a hand with ….

·      Should I do this? Or that?

·      Where should we go?

·      What if?

·      I love you.

These are the things that make up the fabric of a life together. They are gone. GONE

I thank God for the wonderful memories we made together. Neal will always live in my heart.

Revival

I'm reviving this blog to give me the outlet I need right now. Much has changed since my last post.